The Tour d'Fence

So yesterday I decided to get off my lazy ass and become a real competitor. The kind of man that you read about in magazines with pictures of cars and guns on the front. Or possible just a big picture of sweat and muscle fiber. Hell yea. I was going to compete in the Tour d’Fence.

Though not as widely recognized as some “other” races, the Tour is generally considered to be the most grueling two mile loop that starts and ends outside my apartment. Maybe the second most but you get the idea. Hell on wheels. To mix things up a bit, I flew in Lance “Chinese Baptism” Armstrong. Winner of a number of things and biggest badass this side of some river.

We started off at an even pace but I pulled ahead when Lance decided, foolishly, to take a nap. After five minutes of intense pedaling and lead widening, I suddenly realized that I had somehow ended up behind him. We were neck and neck (or a mile apart with him sort of walking his bike and taking the occasional break to talk to fans) for the rest of the race.

It was only through sheer will and determination that I was able to finally pull ahead and cross the finish line mere moments before my man Lance who had stumbled into a well filled with knives in the middle of mile two and lost time bringing himself back to life. As a cyborg.

Anyways, the long and short is I kicked his ass. Bring on the rematch Nancy. I got nothin’ but time.


Lots of cows by the trail.


Another onlook. A Lance fan I think.


This should give you a feel for the intensity of the course.


Some rock. I dunno.